Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
