WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
