I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
