There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
