that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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