So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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