Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
