I accidentally had phone sex last night
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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