I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
