Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
