I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
As shirtless as possible
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
