Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Im part way to drunk.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
