he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
there's paper in my vomit.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
