im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
