we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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