i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
