Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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