I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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