Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
