fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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