I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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