Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
