I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
