who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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