currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
