never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize