I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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