I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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