these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
