Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
