Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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