the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
