You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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