You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
NoShamevember. You game?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
