I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize