the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
