the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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