I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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