Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
