very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
