it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
