Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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