I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Quick, to the slutcave!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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