I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
