I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
