so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
