hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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