Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize