Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
