Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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