I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
