I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
