Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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