just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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