the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
