Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
two words: eviction party
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
