I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
