How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
