I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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