There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
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