Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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