It's Friday. Sex?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize