I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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