Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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