Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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