sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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