my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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