Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
