He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
