My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
