My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
