Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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