A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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