: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
