ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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