My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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