I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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