I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
