great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
