Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
