clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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