Moan for me like Helen Keller
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
