I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
