We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
