How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
