I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize