weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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