Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
wanna go halves on a baby?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
vagina is talking i cant
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
