it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
