His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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