her vagine was all disorganized.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
