Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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