Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize