Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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