she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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