you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
