Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
