i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize