you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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