I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
