I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
