Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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