Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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