question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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