Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
