kristin has been a bad kristin
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
