All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
