The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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