i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
