I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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