My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
