I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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