How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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