I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
