my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
