Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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