I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
